Relationships are already tough enough. Being an interracial couple adds layers of complexity to the standard narrative of two people (or more depending on your dating style these days), from different walks of life, attempting to come together.
Engaging in interracial dating can even be more daunting, in a world where digital proverbial attacks or publicized commentary (mostly negative or derogatory ) towards interracial couples appears to be acceptable (the norm). Public figures, -and gorgeous ones too- such as Author Franchesca Ramsey, who is married interracially, have experienced the brunt of such heat.
— Franchesca Ramsey (@chescaleigh) February 3, 2017
With all of this, we asked random people about the most frustrating comments they have received when in an interracial relationship.
1. Jose, 42
I don’t even consider myself in “interracial relationships.” A relationship is a relationship, irrespective of the color, race, etc of the woman I’m with. I grew up in Massachusetts, in a small town, predominately ran by Hmong people. It wasn’t until I went to college and started expanding my base of friends that I began to receive the craziest questions. “Are Asian girls submissive?” “Do Asian women have the tightest coochies?” “When you argue with them, do they karate chop your ass (this statement is usually followed by hand gestures and a horrible airy rendition of a scene from the film Crouch Tiger, Hidden Dragon)
2. Alexis, 29
Postgrad life was soooo popping for me. I moved from a small town in New Hampshire to Brooklyn, New York. My mind (and dating life), went from a small-town mentality to big city living. I started dating someone from Nigeria. I’m Irish. I’ve had a few girlfriends show me obscure images from “Africa” (as they’d say), and ask me if the guy I was dating was from there. Usually, the image was of a desolate place with a few bushes and huts. One day I invited my girlfriends (with their dates) to a Ghanaian restaurant in the Bronx. After our belly-fulfilling meals of finger-licking platers, one of my girlfriends asked why my boyfriend and I were dipping “mashed potatoes in spaghetti sauce with our fingers?” I was like, “Bitch, you eat skin-cased minced meat (hot dogs) with your fingers.” Why do you do that?
3. Jamila, 32
I used to see an Indian guy. After he and I ended things, I went on a date with a black guy. We were talking about our past partners and I brought up the Indian guy and he said, “WOW, AN INDIAN GUY?” He laughed while mumbling something about me smelling like curry all the time. Needless to say, I excused myself to the restroom and took a detour to the exit- leaving him with the bill (I had ordered rice with curry goat that night). I “curried” myself out of his life fast.
4. Jin, 35
Asian and proud, yet I’ve always had the desire to study and live in Puerto Rico. My brothers had always been appalled by my non-traditional views on dating. Right from my teenage years, I refused to date women that looked like me. Not because of any ethnic preferences, but because I desired to see and be with people that looked different. “I never wanted to date my mom or sister.” I ‘d say. My brothers would always ask me “when I was bringing Shakira or JLo home.” Needless to say, I’ve never quite managed to get either to pick up my calls. Still trying though!
5. Christian, 39
Austrian, primarily raised in Germany, and yet, I’ve always had a love for darker featured women. Regardless of race or ethnicity, if you had darker features (preferably deep brown or “black” as they say), the better. This desire typically led me to black women (I prefer the term women of color because the term “black” doesn’t capture the different undertones of browns, reds, and purples in their skin – my opinion). Auditor by day and art curator by night ( I own an art gallery in Jersey City, NJ), I have very little time to date. My dating profiles on apps are quite direct and upfront with the features I prefer. I’ve had white American women ask me, “Why would you prefer a Bon’Quisha over me…?” At first, I had a difficult time understanding the nuances and underlining message behind that name. It was a colleague of mine, Mack, a software engineer from the Bronx, who broke down the name and the stereotypes behind it. I wasn’t amused.
6. Mariusz, 36
Polish-American and had my first interracial relationship in the San Fernando Valley, California. But that was almost thirty-five years ago. In less tolerant areas of South LA. I remember receiving more than a few sour looks from older white women while out with black or Hispanic friends. I never quite understood the fuss back then.
7. Ashley, 29
I am American born, German roots, grew up in Clear Lake, Texas and my parents were hardcore southern-baptist traditional parents. My father was very strict, but surprisingly, he never discussed dating with me and my siblings until after high school. When he did, he stated he would always support our romantic relationships no matter what.
In my mind and heart, I thought “great!” As long as the man is God-fearing, marriage (when the topic comes up) should be a piece of cake.
So I began dating as an adult and had a horrible experience with my dad in senior year of college. As a 19-year-old, dating outside of my race, I thought nothing of it until I decided to bring Antonio over for dinner.
Anyway, I find out that my now-ex-boyfriend, Antonio, wasn’t “spiritual” enough, according to my mom.
Obviously, we didn’t last and I broke it off. Antonio is now the lead youth pastor of our church (eye rolls), and my father continues to act as if he doesn’t see him at church.
8. Bisi, 32
I often joke that I’m “a little bit Hispanic”, usually after Dominican and Puerto Rican friends are surprised when I understand cultural inside jokes or dance bachata!
When they realize I understand “Latina stuff” more than your average black person (let alone Nigerian), they are super perplexed but incredibly welcoming. They call me morena and are quite intrigued with how I “cope” with their men.
I feel that Latin culture is part of my identity. I’m now married to Juan (my high-school sweetheart), and wouldn’t trade our ups and downs for the world. Gracias!
9. Jason, 30
We’re both American (I’m from the East coast and she is from the West coast). Does this count? I honestly almost feel like we’re from two different races. But I guess this more so counts as intercultural dating. As a New Yorker, I was always in love with how relaxed West coast women were. My sweetheart Alice, was born and raised in Santa Barbara California. When my guy friends were getting ready to meet her, they would clear their throats and practice their best “valley girl” voices, turning the ‘heat up’ on the best renditions of vocal fry while making sure to inject the words “like” or “totally.”
When the curvaceous, 5’7, curly-haired (shoulder length Afro), dark-skinned, toned, news-anchor showed up for dinner, my friends were mute.
10. Brodrique, 35
My mom’s Chinese, Hawaiian, and Black. My Dad’s Norwegian and Portuguese. When women see me, I’m always told that I’m “exotic.”
I told myself, the first woman to never use that word to describe me, would be the first I date.
In college, I met her. Ten years later happily married with 5 kids, Nana and I are incredibly in love. Nana, is Ghana-born to Ghanaian and Nigerian parents but was raised in Connecticut for 15 years of her life.
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